Uncle Walter

Original Artist: Ben Folds

Your Uncle Walter's going on and on,
'Bout everything he's seen and done,
The voice of 50 years experience,
Is drunk watching the television,
You know he's been around the world,
Last night he flew to Baghdad in his magical armchair,
With cigarettes and a six pack,
Yeah, He just got back,
The spit's flying everywhere.

Hey, hey, hey, hey, (Your Uncle Walter's going on and on)
You're back so late, (Where did you go that you were gone so long)
How could you leave me here so long with Uncle Walter?

Your Uncle Walter saw who fired the shots,
He drove his chair in the cavalcade,
He's flown from South Africa to countries where,
They beat themselves on the backs with chains,

There was a fleet of battleships and one reclining chair,
Headed north on the Arabian sea,
Now he's back to tell us what he and his oldest boy Blair,
They're getting rich with their mail order scheme.

Oh, oh, (Your Uncle Walter's going on and on)
We're so glad you're home, (Where did you go that you were gone so long)
How could you leave me here so long with Uncle Walter?

Your Uncle Walter told me everything he'd do if he was president,
Oh what a perfect world this world would be if he wes President now,
But he's not.

And he sees the children smoking pot,
He knows that in a moment they'll be shooting up heroin,
Teardrops in his armchair,
A 50 minute lecture,
Tobacco juice rolling down his chin.

Hey, hey, hey, hey, (Your Uncle Walter's going on and on)
You're back so late, (Where did you go that you were gone so long)
How could you leave me here so long with Uncle Walter?

Stats:

17 known live performances.
First performed: 2001-12-03 - Duke Ellington Ballroom (Northern Illinois Uni), DeKalb, IL, USA.
Most recently performed: 2017-05-06 - Red Hat Amphitheater, Raleigh, NC, US.