Bitch Went Nutz

Original Artist: Ben Folds

I took her with me to the Christmas office party
Mistake
She did a line and starting spouting all her liberal garbage
Bro, I'm so ashamed

I never heard such shit in all my life
I hoped one day to mold you into the perfect wife
But you blew my hopes sky high

The bitch went nuts
Started talking about politics
In front of all my bosses
Bullshit from the internet
The bitch went nuts
I'll never be a partner at this rate
Not with Jane-fucking-Fonda Jr. as my date

Oh no
Oh no no
Oh

It took me and a couple of men to restrain her
You should've seen her
Well, she freaked out and keyed John Franklin Jr. brand new Beamer

She called us bigots with her fist in the air
And as she did they all could see all her armpit hair
Now they think that I'm a fucking asshole

The bitch went nuts
Started talking about vegetables
to the wives of my coworkers
Yeah, cruelty to animals
She thinks because
She reads books she must be smarter
But now when I close my eyes I'll be fucking Jimmy Carter

Oh no
Oh no no
Oh no no
(uh!)

Couldn't you have just nodded and smiled from 9 to 12pm
Instead of telling your conspiracy theories
To all my bosses
And all my friends?

The bitch went nuts (nuts!)
Started putting down the Christians
And all about what the white man did to the Indians
How could I know that she'd never done blow before
She shouted "fuck Dick Cheney"
Then she puked on Franklin's floor

Oh no

Oh no
Oh no no
Oh no bro
Oh no

Alright

Stats:

37 known live performances.
First performed: 2008-09-25 - Bank of America City Center (WBRU Dunkin Donuts Concert Series), Providence, RI, US.
Most recently performed: 2017-04-18 - Sherman Theatre, Stroudsburg, PA, US.

Notes

This is the 'fake' version of the song "The Bitch Went Nuts" which was 'leaked' to the internet ahead of the album's release