Army

Original Artist: Ben Folds

Well I thought about the army,
Dad said "Son you're fucking high."
And I thought "Yeah there's a first for everything,"
So I took my old man's advice.

3 sad semesters,
It was only 15 grand spent in bed,
I thought about the army,
I dropped out and joined a band instead.

Grew a moustache and a mullet,
Got a job at Chick-fil-A,
Citing artistic differences the band broke up in May,
And in June reformed without me and they got a different name,
I nuked another grandma's apple pie and hung my head in shame.

I've been thinking a lot today,
I've been thinking a lot today.

Oh, think I'll write a screenplay,
Oh, think I'll take it to LA,
Oh, think I'll get it done yesterday.

In this time of introspection,
On the eve of my election,
And I say to my reflection,
"God please spare me more rejection."
'Cause my peers they criticize me,
And my ex-wives all despise me,
Try to put it all behind me,
But my redneck past is nipping at my heels.

I've been thinking a lot today,
I've been thinking a lot today,
I've been thinking a lot today,
I thought about the army.

Stats:

297 known live performances.
First performed: 2001-12-09 - Bowery Ballroom, New York, NY, USA.
Most recently performed: 2017-05-06 - Red Hat Amphitheater, Raleigh, NC, US.